I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
