WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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