You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize