you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
