you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Less talking, more tequila
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
