You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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