Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
