I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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