I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
