she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
