i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
