I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
