I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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