you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Boobs are out for the taking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My feet surprised me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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