I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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