at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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