where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize