Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
