I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
