I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
