o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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