so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
