And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
