or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
