remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
