Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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