Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
