Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
