the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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