If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
