Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
