dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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