Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
