There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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