who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
