the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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