Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
