Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
