i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
