I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
