Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
