Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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