a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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