I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
