I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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