That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize