You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
