I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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