I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize