You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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