5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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