When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
