i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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