I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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