WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
