When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
