I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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