Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
