mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
