May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
