It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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