Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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