I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
