Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
