i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
