its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
