Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize