You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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