Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
