im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
