"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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