yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
