He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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