Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
