i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
