My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize