just come out here and I will go home with you...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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